When I tell others that I have been married four times, I usually hear, “Will you marry again? or is there someone in the future?” I smile as I respond, “I’m open to a fifth marriage on the spiritual level, not necessarily legal for I have learned a truer love is not a commitment on paper.”

I left my fourth husband in 1998; for the first time I truly felt I was being my SELF. I no longer depended on a man to make me feel happy and secure. I could trust that I am . I have been single ever since except for one year (2004-5) when I lived with my boyfriend Steve. Of course I was triggered into tears of my childhood hurt, as we all are in intimate relationships so I continue to learn what truer love is.

Being single does not keep me away from such growth opportunities, as my family, friends, and clients continue to trigger me as well. Thankfully, no longer into anger, (what an unexpected gift) always into tears which I am so greatfull for like the heavens raining down into my beautiful flowers. I didn’t wish this essay to be a lesson to be told, but I can’t help but write what I AM, a lover of tears. Replacing fears.

At my best friend’s, Gayle’s memorial for her daddy yesterday, another one of her friends, Clare, told me a story, as I had just said that I wouldn’t sing Amazing Grace as indicated in the program during the line “who saved a wretch like me.” Webster’s dictionary’s definition is “a base, despicable, or vile person.”

How can anyone look at a baby and think or believe we are born a wretch?

Anyway, there was another song on the program, “How Great Thou Art,” that is Gayle’s favorite, and I like as well from my growing up church days, that prompted Clare’s  memory of her seven year old student asking to sing: “How Great We Is!”

Like being single… fancy as a breeze, loving as I please!