I’m a bit embarrassed to admit that I don’t remember making love on my first honeymoon. I’m sure we did; how could I forget? being a virgin and a four day graduate of Cornell University’s Nursing School. On our first night, I do remember listening to the tape recording of our ceremony, being moved once again to tears as Chuck sings, “Ich Liebe Dich.” A day later we attempted to surf on the New Jersey shore after submitting to taking on my husband’s last name, Griffeth, but not to the traditional vows, to “obey” him. I’d said, “try to.”
After we created two especially wonderful daughters, my husband left me as an uncloseted gay man – so onto honeymoon number two, eleven years later.
Reid and I honeymooned at Cape Hatteras, NC, writing “I love you” in the ocean-soaked sand. After taking on his last name, Thompson, our honeymoon bed betrothed me with a case of the crabs. Was our budget motel a forewarning of our short-lived marriage of two years? When I said yes to marrying Reid, I was already greatly questioning my growing up “born again” religion. He being a ‘space’ scientist at Cornell University helped push me over the edge to oceanic freedom from my childhood’s religious indoctrination.
After two years together, I told him I needed to “fly”; meaning to be more of MEself…and we parted amicably. A few years later, he was diagnosed with a virulent form of cancer and died at the early age of 44….me attending his memorial.
Four years later, I married Alain, after living together (‘in sin’ ha!) for one year and a subsequent six month separation I initiated due to his addictions which he gave up during that time. Our honeymoon took place in Morocco and France where he was born and raised respectively. Our marriage ceremony was heralded by the sounds of Taughannock Falls similar to the music of the waterfalls of Robert Treman park where my second marriage took place. This time, I insisted on a joined married name: Colbert (my maiden name) – Mauboussin. Maybe by then, I’m almost over the ‘moon’ in love with ME?
Alain returned to smoking and drinking, creating barriers to being more emotionally intimate, which is very important to me. After six months of couple’s therapy he says: “Accept me as I am or leave.” Sadly, a third amicable divorce.
Just a year later, I met my ‘soul mate’, Gregory, through a personal ad…and my life of oceanic emotional pain truly began. Even on our honeymoon in Australia and the Milford Trek in New Zealand, he couldn’t trust me with other men. Despite the lovely nature of the Great Barrier Reef and the spectacular mountains and fjords of New Zealand – my heartfelt-tears became roaring waterfall crying out to be believed; trusted that I didn’t want to be sexual with other men. BEing MEself brought out Gregory’s stinging pain of distrust. The honey was drained out of the full moon shining above us. Yet, the greatest ‘barrier’ to the damned up pain of my childhood had been broken: not being trusted to believe in my own truths….versus the church’s. Finally, I trusted MEself and left, feeling the sweet taste of hONEy-love spreading throughout my heart and soul.