“Life is a bowl of Perrys,” I often sing to others: melting a bowl of Death By Chocolate ice cream in my mouth most evenings. My favorite bowl is painted blue and green; the curved word LOVE dressing its side. A gift from my stepdaughter, Sara, who chooses to estrange herself. (But that’s another story)

It could be 15 years now that walnuts and almonds are chopped on top, trying to assuage my guilty pleasure.

Recently, I have been betraying the Perry’s brand: eyeing Turkey Hills “all natural” chocolate chocolate chip along side mint chocolate chip. Chopped walnuts and almonds mixed in until soft (my mother told me not to stir hard ice cream until it is soft – a bad habit?) healthier ice cream… on Turkey Hill Road in Ithaca.  (Yes, this is a real road here!)

Despite me being a ‘health nut’, my youngest daughter, Megan chides me for drinking diet Dr. Pepper, believing the Aspartame is a chaser of cancer. “It’s my only vice – give me a break,” I sassily retort. Besides it says “doctor” on the label. I imbibe a small soda 3-4 times a week at Pizza Aroma where I dine for lunch. Surprisingly, they serve gourmet slices such as salad pizza, or black beans with avocado and basil, all fresh veggies.

I use to be a protestant nun or so it seems – my habit of going to church three times a week required by my parents….my mother being the strict born again christian who shocked me one day, saying: “If I had a rifle, I’d shoot Kevin!” Kevin impregnated his girlfriend, my oldest daughter, while out of wedlock, which is the bad (Bad as in Michael Jackson’s Thriller?) habit? But then, I was gifted a delightful granddaughter, Denali,  who I am very close to, like I am my dad.

Maybe my four marriages is a bad habit?

Or maybe those who judge? before hearing that my first husband came out as gay after fathering our two special daughters; my second dying of cancer; my third not wishing to be emotionally close; and my fourth breaking my heart wide open…leading me to be able to cry in public without feeling embarrassed. I don’t say “I’m sorry”, like is the habit of most I see on TV whenever tears appear during an interview, or on The Voice or Dancing with the Stars, 20/20, 60 Minutes. Where LOVE in-habits.